I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
