OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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