I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
