Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm too high and old for this...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
