Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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