Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
