If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
