Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize