Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
