Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
