I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
