WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
