If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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