He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
