I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
