when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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