It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
