I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
