So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
