nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
