Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
