i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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