Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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