I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
