pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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