Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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