for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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