i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
