The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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