Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
