my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
