fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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