dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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