is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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