I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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