i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
