I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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