She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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