So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
