plz talk dirty to me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
