did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
