My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think my moral compass just broke
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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