Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
