I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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