if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
