On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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