I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
