Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
nutella sex= disaster
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Everyone says I win the strip club
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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