wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
