I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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