You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
