She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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