Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
