eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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