Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
