if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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