Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
