He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
