Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
