oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
