On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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