The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize