all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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