he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
