I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
