At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
