Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
