how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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