So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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