new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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