Already got asked if we're dating
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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