Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
