You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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