you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
