I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
