similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
