did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
