He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you traded sex for a burrito?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
