i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
