i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
