4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
