Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
