i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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