I'm going to jail i love you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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