you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
