a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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