If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
