He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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