her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
