Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
