I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
