whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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