So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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