roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
